i start to feel inferior again.
damn i hate the feeling of that!
i admired and awed at girls like dawn yang and wendy and many others..
you see them so pretty. so perfect. so fine.
having (material) things and (glamorous) life which they are obviously enjoying.

i looked into the mirror and see myself and i got grossed out.
who's that ugly freak?
call me a black. call me disgusting.
laugh at my skin color. comment on me.
everywhere on me is flawed.

i detest my flaws but yet i can't hide them.
i ain't pretty at all.
i lost it all again.

i hate this and i dread that.
i start to feel insane all over again.
all over again.

*

and yes. war is coming. 25 April - da first paper.