i reckon i have been a rather lazy/busy girl. nice way to put it is say i "busy". hees. so lack of updates that my QingAiDe is asking me when am i getting married. haa. oh my.

been suffering from a sickness. "super low self-esteeming." i like want to do so many things to my body. to change myself. to psycho myself. to hypnotize myself. to numb myself. to push myself. to make myself smile from the heart. i need a break from everyone, everything. time to let myself breathe alone. i want my imperfections to be perfect.

but slowly. i try to console myself. i talked myself out of the depressed mode which i dont show to anyone. there are people out there more miserable and in a more devastating state. what am i compared to them? it's nothing. really nothing.

the pain felt from skin is nothing (superficial).
the pain felt emotionally and mentally is a real torture.