yesterday went CHINATOWN. like again.. to get the stuff to make xuan's present. it's the very first time i am going to be so D-I-Y. hee. i hope she will love it. *hugs.

**

i let people down. i let myself down.
i broke down and got so losted.

distorted is the word.

but. now. i feel i am getting back.
finally, i felt that i will be fine.
better than ever i hope.
life's not smooth sailing.
people have to learn and grow.
it's part and parcel of it.

i am glad that now. i will be better.
i will be. i am convincing myself.
i have lost all the memories not needed.
i forgotten that i cried badly.
i have forgotten it all.

**

if cruise trip is really expensive. K.L also not bad la!
hees =)

bloody hell. common test next week.

hi to myself.
it's now 5.52pm, sunday the 3rd of nov 2006. (one day before xuan's birthday)
had this irriating sore eye cum infection since yesterday and it is still in my left eye.
damn it. i have been hiding in my room. away from him. until just now when i sneaked out to get my laptop.

asked myself:
it was him who had done something so wrong, why should i be the one hiding?
answer:
i just don wan to see him. since he cant get out of my sight, i do my best not to get him in my sight.

**

had this ambitious yet simple idea of what to get for xuan's birthday.
wanted to get to the shop at chinatown yesterday night but thanx
to the lovely jam at orchard. the shop closed before i could even get near...

oh! just guess who i saw on the bus? xian yu. though we live quite near. we seldom see each other.
i can still remember how we are all like when we were in sec 1/2. but now. things change. people change.
the behavior suck. the themselves suck. the environment suck.

and today, wanted to go but was unwell. throat. eye. head. stomach. all in me...

sorry to xuan. you will be getting a belated belated present.
common tests are in a week's time so i won't be going out anywhere far and wouldn't have time to make it. so the present will
come after the common tests. i hope you dont mind about it, my pretty sista =)
i promise you a present. and i will get it for you.
wherever you are. however you are.
i always have you in my mind sista.
i missed you.

not forgetting michelle ah ma, mel mel and kaka.

i need a dosage of all of you.

i cant imagine what the hell will i be doing after i leave ngee ann. anything is possible. just anything.
i signed myself up for the KunMing community service trip together with angeline.
my mum used to be behind me supporting me about these kind of trips but this time round,
she seemed to object. together with my cute grandma. they are against my idea. why?
i am not feeling any love from this home. this family. it's so fake. so detestable.

bought frito-lays, sour cream and barbeque and the Dorits spicy nachos(my new fav.)
guess all those fats are going to reduce my tensions, emotions and stress.
and guess. christmas is nearing so i will be getting my monthly present.
that's why i need all those chips.

*yums

i made mymozilla firefox's theme all so christmas-ly just to remind myself that this year is gonna end so soon.

would anyone dare to go to a place of uncertain with me?

just you and me. only.

next year is a god damn year of uncertainties.

i don want my short-term memory sickness. i want to lose it all. all of it.

this post will be up on monday when i can enjoy the wireless in my warm ngee ann.
i have called to cancel the dial-up. finally.
i hope to get at least a broadband, santa.

**HAPPY BiRTHDAY Sista XuAN =)